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<$4.18.2007$>
I've Been a Fool for You
| Right up until the time Rev. Thomas James "T.J." Boyd attempted to sexually seduce me back in 1979 in Manila, I had the highest regard for the transforming power of the word when used to minister or motivate. Lillian raised her three to be good students, good citizens and God-fearing Christians and for the most part, her youngest bought into the program lock, stock and barrel until that fateful day in the Philippines when words became the most insidious tools of betrayal. I was a young GI stationed at Clark Air Force Base, Philippines, and in an instant, implicit trust in a mentor, a father figure, a man of God, was displaced by gutwrenching contempt. God in fact, spared me from what could have easily been a physically violent incident leading to criminal charges or what was then called Administrative Hold - indefinite restriction from leaving the Philippines. Even worse, it could have led to a life-shattering loss of identity and sense of self. This is what the good Reverend thought was worth risking for a few moments of sexual gratification. Unfortunately the evening news has lately revealed that my case is not at all unusual. The sad truth is menaces like Boyd and so many others manage to go on year after year without ever facing the consequences of their reckless behavior. After two years on the road with the Village People I'm confident that my sexuality has not been affected by the incident, but I can't say for sure that is the case with my sense of trust in relationships. There have been times when I trusted when I should not have. There have been times when I should have trusted but did not - perhaps could not. While I've mentioned this to only a handful of friends in confidence, this is my first time revealing this story in a public setting. I don't even know if my older brother and sister are aware this event took place - Boyd was an influence in their young lives also. He was family. He would later preside over my mother's funeral. Fast forward a few years, after the incident, to a piano practice room at Bowdoin College in Brunswick, Maine. I quit the Village People after my second tour of Australia with them; I left the Phyllis Hyman band and the whole New York music scene to raise my family in a more "sane" setting - aesthetically beautiful, New England. I gave up the rat race of "becoming somebody" in the music business in favor of learning how to become somebody's daddy -- I love my son and daughter - in the most modest of environments. I gave up boots and belt buckles for Khakis and hush puppies. I sat motionless - now a husband and father of two of my own - listening as the sound of the haunting e minor 9 chord I just played on the battered brown upright piano permeated the modest little cubicle. The words crept into my mind - "I've been a fool for you." An hour later the song was written. There was no way I could have known then that 20 years after writing that song that I would find myself publicly offering testimony to a lyric so pregnant with compelling confessions of heartbreak and retribution. I didn't even have a recording contract at the time. This was a simple matter of what songwriters call noncritical outpouring - the release of creative thought without the impediment of editing. It was therapy. "It's over now, it's over now." I revealed to the attentive audience that the song's meaning was not to lament a love gone wrong but to celebrate the freedom that the simple words invoke - "it's over now, it's over now." It's a song of empowerment. Ironically, I sang the song for more than 10 years without truly understanding the full implications of my own words. I can remember times when I would fight back tears while performing the song on stage; not really understanding why the song was so emotionally "loaded" for me. Palm Sunday I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes preaching about being "all tied up" and the need to get "loose" and while it is still difficult for me to listen to words coming from the mouths of men of the cloth, there was no mistaking the similarity of symbolism. Perhaps we were saying the same thing. Now, I'm not so presumptuous as to make any reasonable comparison between myself and T.D. Jakes; nor am I a Donnie, BeBe or a Kirk; however the question is "what is the power in the message - in the words?" I was told the day after performing "I've Been a Fool for You" at a recent Women's Cafe event that one wife and mother of two left the concert and returned home to have a civil and peaceful discussion with a man with a history of abusing her -- her husband. The following day she was packing to move out. She was grateful for the words. Another young lady called to say thank you to the event organizer. She had decided that same night to excuse herself from an abusive relationship with her boyfriend. The words touched her, she said. It was only one day after the event; The 21st Century Woman - "Empowered To Make Change" and peoples lives were changed. That's the positive power of words. Presentations by Micah's Place, safe haven for victims of domestic violence and abuse and Healing Balm Ministries, an agency providing outreach and education for HIV/AIDS, appear to have also touched people that night. Heartfelt comments from the Chief of Police, the Sheriff and the Mayor touched the hearts of men and women of all ages and races that night. I'd like to think that those humble words, "it's over now, it's over now" served to "untie" and "loose" just a few who attended the event - men or women. I hope and pray that there are just a few folks who are free today because of the power of words - loving words. Note: Women's Cafe is an activity of the Miles Jaye Jazz Cafe. Article also published in Dallas Weekly |
