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<$10.24.2008$>
"JOE SIX PACK"
| An old beat-up pick-up truck coasted down a tree-lined country road. The driver and his passenger seemed to have nowhere special to go and were in no hurry to get there. The two men passed the time with a few hardy laughs; quenching their thirst with a couple of cans of cold beer until they spotted the young black girl walking along the roadside - only her daydreams and the groceries she toted occupying her mind. Pig tails swaying to the rhythm of her gate, mind in the clouds, she didn’t notice the truck slowly approaching from behind or she might have seen the driver launch a half-full can of brew at her head. Bloody and dazed from the attack she was helpless to run or defend herself against the two men. Just for laughs, they savagely attacked her, brutally raped her and left her for dead. I remember the first time I saw that opening scene from John Grisham’s “A Time to Kill” - I wept. That scene comes to mind when I see Palin smile, wink and shout out to Joe Six Pack. I can’t help thinking there was at least one Joe Six Pack in every lynch-mob cheering as the flesh of a hanging black corpse boiled and bubbled in the amber flames like molten lava? Was Joe driving the truck that dragged James Byrd’s body down a Jasper, Texas road? So much has been made of Joe Six Pack in the 2008 Presidential campaign that my curiosity finally peaked - I had to learn more about this iconic character. Each wink presses a Play button in my mind that starts a slide-show; slowly flipping through images of LAPD, NYPD, Massachusetts, Maryland, Mississippi, New Jersey and Florida State Troopers, Dade, Lee and Polk County Sheriffs and their Deputy’s and I can’t help wondering how many of them fit the description of Joe Six Pack. How many Guantanamo Bay guards and FBI agents answer to Joe when Sarah beckons with a suggestive wink? Is Col. Ollie North Joe Six Pack? How about George W. or John McCain they… are they good ol’ Joe’s? I know enough guys that are happiest throwing back a cold one during a Sunday afternoon or Monday night football game but none of them fit the implied description of Sarah’s beloved Joe; just as the specificity of Hockey Mom excludes Basketball Moms, Ballet Moms, Piano Moms, Tennis Moms, Golf Moms, Pee Wee Football Moms, Gymnastic Moms and Little League Moms. Joe Six Pack was arguably code for a man of a particular race and class. I was compelled to learn more about him and why he was so critical to the Palin mission. First of all, imagine my surprise when I discovered Joe was really a Jane. That’s right; the first brewers of beer were women and not men. Secondly, it might shock Governor Palin and horrify Mrs. McCain to know that it was not Europeans but Egyptians and Mesopotamians that were the first brewers of beer. In case you’re missing the point… Mesopotamia would include the regions of modern day Iraq and yes, you guessed it - Iran. That’s correct; by all historical reports and ancient writings, Egyptian and Middle Eastern beer predated German and English beer by hundreds of years. Someone break out the smelling salts and fan Mrs. McCain. Is that Sarah Palin cussing or is she just speaking in tongues? It’s enough to make Joe switch to wine coolers. Let’s not forget the bootlegging gangsters of Prohibition that did their part to glorify the spirit of drink in America… and of course, our new folk hero, Joe Six Pack. If booze was illegal during Prohibition was a drunken “Joe” the crack-head of the day? WWII had to have been an interesting time for Grandpa Joe. He had to juggle his patriotic anti-German sentiment with his enduring thirst for that golden sudsy beverage. European beer barons like Miller, Pabst, Schlitz, Busch and Coors suffered for a time while the breweries that bore their names rode the wave of either public opinion, prohibition or the Great Depression but they all survived.  When you consider that beer accounts for roughly 85% of total alcoholic beverage sales in America it’s easier to understand Palin’s interest in that market. I am, however, curious to know how Mother’s Against Drunk Drivers (MAADD) feels about her siren song. The identity of “Joe Six Pack” remains somewhat unclear to me. Is he simply the blue-collar, weekend tailgater or does the profile now include the semi-retired, MBA baby-boomer running one of more than a thousand micro breweries out of his million dollar urban townhouse. I’m hoping Palin’s assumptions about “Joe Six Pack” are about as accurate as her assumptions about Russian foreign policy as she watches vigilantly from her back porch in Alaska. I’d like to give Joe the benefit of the doubt that the Heat of the Night, Dukes of Hazard caricature Palin is playing to is fewer in real numbers than he is in her fantasies. Let’s hope so for America’s sake. See you at the polls Joe. |
